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Strange voices can lead us to strange places, while the Shepherd's voice leads us beside still waters, and restores our souls.
There were many years that I had movement, but no progress, I was a victim for sure. Progress is a moving forward into new place of success. One of the most interesting things is that I was also successful being non-productive. I spent many years listening to the wrong voice. I grew up in very negative home, where fear reigned. Fear was instill, and lived out in every way. We were afraid of every thing. As a result I listened to the voice of fear, and became successful and even gained a masters degree in under-achieving. How did God take me from that place to this place? I started listening to another voice, the Voice of the Father. God placed me in a new family (www.liftc.com) and while sitting and hearing the Word under new spiritual parents Apostle Jeff & Maria Hunter, I begin little by little to do the Word, The Word of God activated through your actions is what renews your mind. I started to walk out of fear and victimization on purpose and because of these small steps of faith, that I am still taking, by the way, I'm walking as a son of God as my authentic self and not an orphan. Until you understand that you can choose to walk out of the victim mentality, you may keep choosing it as a way of life, or maybe fear comes and goes like it does me, but living as an overcoming has become the way I choose to live now! No matter where you are or what may be coming against you in the way of fear, you can and must keep choosing faith and walking forward. We will get things wrong, we will get back up, and the main thing, we will not listen to the voice of fear! Lacy
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Unfinished, incomplete and lack of substance were words that I used to describe my spoken word piece that I started drafting 8 years ago. What I didn’t realize was that these very same words were an accurate description of my life during that season as well… Ouch! I was blinded to this truth because I hadn’t yet fully accepted it, verbalized it nor was I ready and willing to address it. “It” was the 2-letter word that I used to reference my internal pains that stemmed from promiscuous behavior, unconfirmed value and the need to hide my true self for fear of judgement.
As the years progressed, the roller coaster continued and so did God’s grace over my life. An ugly, emotional and gruesome stare down in the mirror started me on my journey of self-love which has led to healing, self-forgiveness and reestablishing my worth. I now realize that this piece just like my life was unfinished, incomplete and lacked substance because at that time the magnitude of the hurt was much stronger than the love I had for myself and my relationship with God. This all confirmed that awareness is just the beginning and not the definitive. “Warfare” is a glimpse of my pains which ultimately became the pivotal point in my journey back to wholeness. Although my “it” may be different than the next persons I encourage anyone in warfare against themselves to be sure to let the best version of YOU win. Warfare I’m just a wandering soul trapped within In search of a window, an outlet, an escape From this fantasy lifestyle that I’ve chosen As I flip the pages of my brain uncovering Hurt, disdain, low self-esteem, sexism, promiscuity and hatred All pains associated with me internally Yet further imposed upon me by our society As I embark upon this intimate and gruesome warfare In search of wholeness stirring inwardly To my surprise… I realize that I am her and she is me So when the battle is over who shall proclaim true victory Without rules of engagement I approach my opponent head on And what do I see… This bold, beautiful, courageous and powerful woman staring back at me She holds a great advantage because she knows all of me My weakness, triggers, ugly truths, forbidden secrets And now even my war strategies Yet I still engage and attack in hopes to guard my flawed reality Strike after strike I become relentless, fatigued, and all to my disadvantage Then comes the thoughts to surrender, call it truce because I cannot bare the damage The damage to my temple through countless intruders The soul connections that flourished and mentally consumed us Because I am her and she is me See she wants to flee but selfishly She remains captivated because I’m afraid to accept this new identity Afraid of what people may think of me Afraid to leave things behind and disassociate them from me Afraid to do the work internally Afraid to set my, to set my soul so free And we meet again, toe to toe, soul to soul Then she proceeds to speak into me Over and over again You are beautiful You are enough You are destined for greatness You are valuable beyond what your eyes can see Just the opposite of what I’d expect my opponent to boast so proudly These words were more powerful than the tears, the wounds and the bloodshed So powerful that I started to see myself differently You know like the bold, beautiful, courageous and powerful woman staring back at me See my opponent’s only mission was to remind me That self-love holds the key To my freedom and newfound reality I may have lost the battle But I’ve gained the greatest victory and that is self-love I love me without conditions Without limits And unapologetically. Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I heard this from God so clearly after my morning workout: I never designed you to carry heavy burdens (in this case weight) For a long time quite a few people have questioned me when I work out with “what you trying to lose” because naturally my body frame is slender, so nobody sees when I start carrying extra “weight” that’s just too HEAVY for my body type although I feel it, and my clothes do too lol. It’s NOT always obvious to others, also the same when we carry extra weight/burdens in life that God never intended for us to carry. Other people may or may not see it, but it shows up and weigh us down physically, emotionally/mentally, etc. Just like being over weight in the natural, it makes you wonder how much of the weights you carry doesn’t belong to you. If it’s weighing you down, and it’s too heavy, it probably doesn’t belong to you! Lose the weight/burden La'keumiss Charelle Jones Author It's been 2 years my friend since I last talked to you, the day you walked out I wasn't sure what I'd do.
It was you and me for so very long, through thick and thin, it had to end for the new could finally begin. I leaned on you too much I knew your heart was full of fear, you keep me locked in chains but you said you were always near. You taught me how to eat until I could no longer feel, but in not feeling I was missing all the parts He wanted to heal. The day final came, we could no longer be friends, I said I will always love you, but I had to make a drastic move for the new to burst through. You see I was sick, from the inside out, the truth I had to tell, the new me stuck inside of you I finally had to defend. That morning came, white gown, cold room all around. I said good night, you said good bye, our eyes locked one finally time. You rose up off the table as I begin to count to 10, you looked back at me, and said, you'll never need me to live for you've found you're stronger than you've ever been. You looked at me as you walked out the room and your last word was... LIVE! Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Cor. 10:31
As I am now into my 2nd full year since having weight loss surgery, I can truly say I can sum up my life as a former obese, yet fat brain still having self in the title of this blog, One More Bite. Looking back at my life, I know realize that learning to process my emotions as a young child would have made the biggest difference. Our emotions are in need of a container, a place to put them, a safe place to process, then heal. Not having a safe place causes us to construct one ourselves out of the things that are around us, and as the obesity rate increases in this country, more people are using the false container of food to release emotions through. When dealing with emptiness as a child the goal is to fill it with something. The thought that I need just one more bite to top it off would be the thing I need to finally fill my stomach. The issue was, my stomach wasn't what was empty, it was my heart. Not the organ called my heart, the core of me called my heart. That place of belonging. That place called home, where it's safe, where I can reveal my heart without fear of rejection, or abandonment. A place where I belonged and was fully known. The place where I could finally be free and accept me for who I am, just how I am. The only way I could do anything for His glory is to be able to do it with all my might with all that I am so I could finally stop wanting "One More Bite". Through much healing, that is still ongoing, my placed called home is in the Father's embrace where all are welcomed and all that are called by His name can finally find rest. We can taste and see that He is good, then the one more bite from the worlds table will entice us, no more! The Lord will prefect that which concerns me... Ps.138:8
With all the years I've been running after good heath, decent weight loss, more rest and peace, the thought of me just relaxing and letting God do a deep work without my help was nearly impossible. The last years years I have leaned to enter a daily rest by trusting in God's love for me that keeps me within my boundary, and turning to Him. Some days it looks so ugly and I get a skinned knee in the process, but as soon as I know I'm out of trust with the Father, I'm learning to turn back. Our part in this work is trust that produces rest, and rest that releases the movement of obedience to His directions, God wants us to obey what He says. His sweet promptings in our spirit is soft and commanding. Precise and have pin point results that He desires to be manifest, and will give us the desires of our hearts. Our part is to do what we can and what He directs us to do, obey God. His part is giving the directions, and the open doors to healing, freedom, and the desires that will truly satisfy our heart. I shook, I cried, I screamed, I flowed with the pain.
All the thoughts and feelings swirling in my mind and body releasing itself into the universe, to my higher power. Growth is painful, messy. It's not sunsets and yoga poses. It's falling to the floor cuz your crying so hard your legs get weak. It's screaming so hard your whole body shakes like an earthquake. It's snot and slobber and it hurts so bad is hard to breath but I did, I breathed through it. I puked it out and cussed at it. I didn't run from it or try to numb it. I embraced it, thanked it and let it do what it needed. The fear, the hope, the pain, the freedom... so grateful I don't have to use or cut to deal with this. So blessed in recovery, this healing heart continues to beat for my serenity! Paula Scott What did you say?
Man!!! I think what would have happen to my life if I knew then what I know now! If I knew that what matter most was not what others said about me, but what I said about me. The narrative in my mind would have been so different. Well I can't do nothing about the past, but I have the right and responsibility to do something now. We have old tapes playing in the background of our minds called unconscious thinking. This is based on old experiences, both good and bad. The painful memories carve a deeper pattern of thinking in our minds to remind us of what to do when another event of pain happens like the original one. This is in order to have a set of rules in place to prevent future pain and to have a ready response for the event at present. This kind of defense mechanism doesn't work when it's our own thoughts that's causing the damage. What do we do when the way we talk to ourselves is the issue that keep us stuck.
Our essence is the core of our very being; the center of which lies our gifts. Those gifts that make us unique, courageous, unstoppable, and create a current of electricity, an overdose of adrenaline and place us in that zone.
It’s likened unto vanilla or lemon extract - just a drop of it is full of flavor and packed with a punch. It’s a place of distinction for each of us, full of discoveries, fearlessness, and fierceness. When our essence is unleashed, we become a force of power unexplainable. Tap into your essence. It’s a life changing experience. Paulette Atterberry “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;" Jer. 1:5a
For over 4 years at my highest weight of 305 lbs I embraced the "Body Positive Movement." This means I said, "well heck! if I'm gonna be big, I'm gonna fully accept it and be my big, fabulous self, without apology or being moved by other peoples option of me! It worked off and on, and I thought maybe I just needed more information and help from other people who were embracing their plus size and seemed happy doing it, so I kept trying. Well it didn't work and without telling my story all over again, I had weight loss surgery in 2017, have loss over 145 lbs to date and never looked back. (Find my story at www.fruitnadseed.com/home/lacy's story) In recent months I have notice an increase of "Body Positive" post, and information spreading on social media platforms and have felt an disdain for it and didn't understand why. While spending time praying and talking to God about it, (yes you can talk to Him about everything) I finally understood and this is the explanation. While the "Body Positive Movement" of loving who you are is in order, loving where you are is the issue not being dealt with. Who you are is about your identity as a son of God that's formed at the new birth in Christ. Where you are has to do with your position in your life, health and wholeness. I'm sure many that read this may think that I'm off base, let me continue to explain. As we all know our bodies was not designed by God to handle the abuse that overeating, drugs, and other dangerous habits and addictive behaviors do to it. We feel it in our body and our blood test tells the truth. Blood sugar, and blood pressure, and other results tell the story of abuse done in our organs. Even if blood test result are in a good place, please know that they will not stay fine if our bodies stay in a health deficit. Well where do we start? Ask God is this the best you have for me? When I asked God is 305 lbs the best you have for me? I knew the answer was NO! I felt awful in my body, soul, and spirit. So ask God, "Is this habit, weight, health level your best"? Then, begin to ask what plan do You have for me to begin to get into Your boundary of good health for me. Understand God will always love you no matter your health and weight, but I found that my effectiveness and my impact on the Kingdom was diminished because I felt so sluggish, and tired all the time. I had to take long, deep look at where I was. I knew I was not where my Father wanted me to be. I was sick in my thinking, and chaotic in my eating. He had a plan for me, and He has a plan for you too. That plan started with the healing of my heart, so I can let go of the food, then He gave me a plan for my health. The journey of healing is ongoing, but alignment to His plan is a must. My prayer for you is to align with Him, not only know who you are, but be where the Father designed you to be. |
You are always giving yourself something" AuthorLacy Lange is a writer and Empowerment Speaker who lives in Michigan with her husband of 25 years, Roger and has two adult sons, and two grand-kids. Archives
February 2020
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