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Unfinished, incomplete and lack of substance were words that I used to describe my spoken word piece that I started drafting 8 years ago. What I didn’t realize was that these very same words were an accurate description of my life during that season as well… Ouch! I was blinded to this truth because I hadn’t yet fully accepted it, verbalized it nor was I ready and willing to address it. “It” was the 2-letter word that I used to reference my internal pains that stemmed from promiscuous behavior, unconfirmed value and the need to hide my true self for fear of judgement.
As the years progressed, the roller coaster continued and so did God’s grace over my life. An ugly, emotional and gruesome stare down in the mirror started me on my journey of self-love which has led to healing, self-forgiveness and reestablishing my worth. I now realize that this piece just like my life was unfinished, incomplete and lacked substance because at that time the magnitude of the hurt was much stronger than the love I had for myself and my relationship with God. This all confirmed that awareness is just the beginning and not the definitive. “Warfare” is a glimpse of my pains which ultimately became the pivotal point in my journey back to wholeness. Although my “it” may be different than the next persons I encourage anyone in warfare against themselves to be sure to let the best version of YOU win. Warfare I’m just a wandering soul trapped within In search of a window, an outlet, an escape From this fantasy lifestyle that I’ve chosen As I flip the pages of my brain uncovering Hurt, disdain, low self-esteem, sexism, promiscuity and hatred All pains associated with me internally Yet further imposed upon me by our society As I embark upon this intimate and gruesome warfare In search of wholeness stirring inwardly To my surprise… I realize that I am her and she is me So when the battle is over who shall proclaim true victory Without rules of engagement I approach my opponent head on And what do I see… This bold, beautiful, courageous and powerful woman staring back at me She holds a great advantage because she knows all of me My weakness, triggers, ugly truths, forbidden secrets And now even my war strategies Yet I still engage and attack in hopes to guard my flawed reality Strike after strike I become relentless, fatigued, and all to my disadvantage Then comes the thoughts to surrender, call it truce because I cannot bare the damage The damage to my temple through countless intruders The soul connections that flourished and mentally consumed us Because I am her and she is me See she wants to flee but selfishly She remains captivated because I’m afraid to accept this new identity Afraid of what people may think of me Afraid to leave things behind and disassociate them from me Afraid to do the work internally Afraid to set my, to set my soul so free And we meet again, toe to toe, soul to soul Then she proceeds to speak into me Over and over again You are beautiful You are enough You are destined for greatness You are valuable beyond what your eyes can see Just the opposite of what I’d expect my opponent to boast so proudly These words were more powerful than the tears, the wounds and the bloodshed So powerful that I started to see myself differently You know like the bold, beautiful, courageous and powerful woman staring back at me See my opponent’s only mission was to remind me That self-love holds the key To my freedom and newfound reality I may have lost the battle But I’ve gained the greatest victory and that is self-love I love me without conditions Without limits And unapologetically.
1 Comment
Lacy
8/15/2019 06:34:13 am
This is one I will study!!!
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You are always giving yourself something" AuthorLacy Lange is a writer and Empowerment Speaker who lives in Michigan with her husband of 25 years, Roger and has two adult sons, and two grand-kids. Archives
February 2020
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