I shook, I cried, I screamed, I flowed with the pain.
All the thoughts and feelings swirling in my mind and body releasing itself into the universe, to my higher power. Growth is painful, messy.
It's not sunsets and yoga poses. It's falling to the floor cuz your crying so hard your legs get weak.
It's screaming so hard your whole body shakes like an earthquake. It's snot and slobber and it hurts so bad is hard to breath but I did, I breathed through it.
I puked it out and cussed at it. I didn't run from it or try to numb it. I embraced it, thanked it and let it do what it needed.
The fear, the hope, the pain, the freedom... so grateful I don't have to use or cut to deal with this. So blessed in recovery, this healing heart continues to beat for my serenity!
What did you say?
Man!!! I think what would have happen to my life if I knew then what I know now!
If I knew that what matter most was not what others said about me, but what I said about me. The narrative in my mind would have been so different.
Well I can't do nothing about the past, but I have the right and responsibility to do something now.
We have old tapes playing in the background of our minds called unconscious thinking. This is based on old experiences, both good and bad. The painful memories carve a deeper pattern of thinking in our minds to remind us of what to do when another event of pain happens like the original one. This is in order to have a set of rules in place to prevent future pain and to have a ready response for the event at present.
This kind of defense mechanism doesn't work when it's our own thoughts that's causing the damage.
What do we do when the way we talk to ourselves is the issue that keep us stuck.
Our essence is the core of our very being; the center of which lies our gifts. Those gifts that make us unique, courageous, unstoppable, and create a current of electricity, an overdose of adrenaline and place us in that zone.
It’s likened unto vanilla or lemon extract - just a drop of it is full of flavor and packed with a punch.
It’s a place of distinction for each of us, full of discoveries, fearlessness, and fierceness. When our essence is unleashed, we become a force of power unexplainable.
Tap into your essence. It’s a life changing experience.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;" Jer. 1:5a
For over 4 years at my highest weight of 305 lbs I embraced the "Body Positive Movement." This means I said, "well heck! if I'm gonna be big, I'm gonna fully accept it and be my big, fabulous self, without apology or being moved by other peoples option of me!
It worked off and on, and I thought maybe I just needed more information and help from other people who were embracing their plus size and seemed happy doing it, so I kept trying. Well it didn't work and without telling my story all over again, I had weight loss surgery in 2017, have loss over 145 lbs to date and never looked back.
(Find my story at www.fruitnadseed.com/home/lacy's story)
In recent months I have notice an increase of "Body Positive" post, and information spreading on social media platforms and have felt an disdain for it and didn't understand why.
While spending time praying and talking to God about it, (yes you can talk to Him about everything) I finally understood and this is the explanation.
While the "Body Positive Movement" of loving who you are is in order, loving where you are is the issue not being dealt with.
Who you are is about your identity as a son of God that's formed at the new birth in Christ. Where you are has to do with your position in your life, health and wholeness. I'm sure many that read this may think that I'm off base, let me continue to explain.
As we all know our bodies was not designed by God to handle the abuse that overeating, drugs, and other dangerous habits and addictive behaviors do to it. We feel it in our body and our blood test tells the truth. Blood sugar, and blood pressure, and other results tell the story of abuse done in our organs.
Even if blood test result are in a good place, please know that they will not stay fine if our bodies stay in a health deficit.
Well where do we start? Ask God is this the best you have for me? When I asked God is 305 lbs the best you have for me? I knew the answer was NO! I felt awful in my body, soul, and spirit. So ask God, "Is this habit, weight, health level your best"?
Then, begin to ask what plan do You have for me to begin to get into Your boundary of good health for me. Understand God will always love you no matter your health and weight, but I found that my effectiveness and my impact on the Kingdom was diminished because I felt so sluggish, and tired all the time.
I had to take long, deep look at where I was. I knew I was not where my Father wanted me to be. I was sick in my thinking, and chaotic in my eating. He had a plan for me, and He has a plan for you too. That plan started with the healing of my heart, so I can let go of the food, then He gave me a plan for my health.
The journey of healing is ongoing, but alignment to His plan is a must.
My prayer for you is to align with Him, not only know who you are, but be where the Father designed you to be.
You are always giving yourself something"
Lacy Lange is a writer and Empowerment Speaker who lives in Michigan with her husband of 25 years, Roger and has two adult sons, and two grand-kids.